The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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