I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
