Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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