the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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