Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
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think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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