so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
