I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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