dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
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