I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
