Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
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I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
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Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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