oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
