Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
