Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
too bad you live with your parents still
Duck Duck Cougar?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
