Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
