I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
