There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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