I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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