i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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