I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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