Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize