Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
