i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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