I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
