in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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