69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
