she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
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I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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