My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
