You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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