hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
