I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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