mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
