STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You ruined the universe
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
