some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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