Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
