I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So much rum. So many feels.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
