I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
