I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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