Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
