can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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