This is not my ceiling
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
