One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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