i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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