plz talk dirty to me
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
