but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Randomize
