Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
