at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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