please come you make the beer taste better
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize