Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You took a bar mat shot.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
