You smell like a Billy Joel song
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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