I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
