remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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