I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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