I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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