do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
