my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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