Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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