Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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