I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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