There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
