I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
