hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
