have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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