She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
