I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
