omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
did you just send me my own nude
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
